I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
