Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
