So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
