Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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