Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
