i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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