All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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