Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
