You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
