my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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