Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
