Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
