he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize