Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
that's an acceptable place to lick
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
