If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
