I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
