found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
