Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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