this just has baby written all over it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
