I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
