the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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