she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
