im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
