when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
