It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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