During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
