I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
