took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
