You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
