If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
