come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
