Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
