two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize