Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
