What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
