i jhust puked up my retainher.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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