I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
