Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
