im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
