I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
