You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
