All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
