I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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