I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
