I just saw a hot homeless man
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
