you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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