Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I've blown a few things in my day
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
