Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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