return my video game
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
