You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
