Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
