I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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