Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
