Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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