I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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