i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
