yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
