Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
