its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
