One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
