grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize