Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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