Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
