omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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