this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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