did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
