So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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