First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
