I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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