my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
